Hey Donnie, Let’s Catch Up!

Hello Donnie! Does anyone call you Donnie? Like Marie calls her brother Donnie?

Anyway, I haven’t heard from you in a while, and your latest missive addressed me as “Friend” and not “John,’ the familiar appellation you used in the past. Kind of a letdown for me, who enjoyed first-name exchanges so we could speak more familiarly. I call out terms in this missive with elucidating links, knowing that a busy bankrupt might be unfamiliar with terms so you wouldn’t have to ask staff what they mean and appear unread, which so many people say you are.

So when I read your latest grift for funds, I wondered, hey, didn’t this BRAND-NEW welcome-mat offer go out several months ago, if not further back in your grifting emails? Maybe I’m confusing it with some other mat. It’s hard to tell since there are so many of them. Be that as it may, I found other items in your missive a bit problematic. Take this snippet, for example:

“It’s been a while since I heard from you, but I know that YOU have always been a TOP supporter — I want you to know how much I appreciated your vote in 2020.”

Gee, I have never been a top supporter. And I never voted for you. And you haven’t heard from me because I wasn’t getting the onslaught of grifting emails, which I can safely assume your slavish base is getting with unrelenting regularity. I am beginning to think that you got into politics to make money, something you were pretty horrible at for so many years. Anyone who can’t make money running a casino must be extraordinarily incompetent, casinos being the simplest way to print money outside of the Federal Reserve’s presses.

And then you tell me:

“I can only hold a “Don’t Blame This Family — We Voted for Trump” Welcome Mat for you for the NEXT HOUR, so don’t wait.”

Does anyone, however stupid or foolish or devoted, think that this offer will only last an hour? What happens to those poor souls who only check their email after 8 pm or once a week or whenever. Are they doomed to envy those who got in on the NEXT HOUR grift?

You continue to take money from those who fervently believe you are going to make their lives better when all you have done is make your life and income better and that of your wealthy patrons and donors who want to lower taxes on the super-wealthy and seek mealy-mouth regulations on polluters, fossil fuel manufacturers, and the elitist class — of which you are a member of since birth.

I would no sooner send your $62 immediately than scratch my eyes out with a blunt object.

Despite the flashing RED HEADLINE, I am going to pass on the LIMITED EDITION Trump Welcome Mats. But I must hand it to you: you know how to shill. Here’s hoping all those Big Macs catch up with you.

Your Friend, John

Attached is the missive I am expounding on.