Corresponding with Trump, the Prequel
Don,
I got several of your solicitations and I have to say, I can’t think of a better way to grift your most loyal followers, most of whom haven’t a clue that you don’t give a fuck about them.
And you say the only voice that matters is mine — so hey, thanks, for giving me a chance to tell you that you are a FUCKING LOSER. Worse than that, you’re a loser who wanted to get out of losing by undermining the constitution and tried to get your pal Pence to certify your victory. But even he couldn’t ignore his duty to the constitution and the rule of law. Frankly, I am happy that the most obsequious vice-president ever had the grist to do what the constitution required. Good on him. You might not know what GRIST means, so google it in your spare time, of which you have oodles of now that you are a one-term loser president. You might need to look up obsequious, but I spared you the trouble. Just click here.
I’m giving you my input because you asked for it. I love providing input to LOSERS like you. Actually, I only love giving input to the only loser who deserves input: YOU.
So, to the subject at hand, your Card voting. I think the best one, the one most consistent with your fascistic sensibility is the full-on NAZi version:
It truly captures the spirit of authoritarian impulses the Nazis loved so much, like this one:
Of course, you can’t use the swastika because that would be too obvious. But as they say, if you can’t beat them, join them, just leave out the obvious bat shit crazy shit.
And since, as your note says you are putting your full trust in me, I think you should know that I can’t think of a more clarifying impulse of your sensibility than the eagle nazi card job. Of course, assuming your having any sensibility is a stretch I’m sure.
The other cards are okay but don’t deliver on the crass and gauche pretentious look and feel you are so famous for, you know the gilded toilets, the huge signage on your goofball properties, and your ridiculously stupid long red ties.
And that whole “Member Since” schtick that American Express uses is pretty clever. I’m guessing you thought that would be cool. Losers often ape winners, as you well know, being such an outstanding loser yourself. But basically, this card is pretty boring. And why do you have to say it’s a card? They are all cards. I don’t recall ever seeing “CARD” on any “Cards” except for the communist carrying cards, but I couldn’t find any of them that did even that. Did Putin give some input on this thinking? Your cards are awfully red, like commie stuff usually is, like this one:
They didn’t use the Member Since bit, but hey, they aren’t grifters like you. But they do share your willingness to ignore facts and science.
The other cards looked like they were designed by Don Jr or Eric since they show no imagination whatsoever. But I thought you designed these cars, so their awful design and cheap borrowing from the communist cards make perfect sense since you never had an original thought ever. Losers never do.
This one is hard to read, kind of, and it buries the whole nazi thing, so it doesn’t work as well.
But like the others, it touts being OFFICIAL. This has given me the idea to develop some unofficial cards and use them to get hopeless morons to send me money. I just delete the “Official Card” shit and I have a winner. If losers like you can be winners, it’s by amping up fear of people of color, hatred of people who want to give everyone a fair shake, and disparaging people who want everyone the right to vote, which clearly you’re not interested in.
I discovered that by clicking on a card, I had my response recorded:
WOW! — For the next 5 minutes I can increase my impact by 300%. How the fuck does that work? Where is the extra 300% coming from? I know it’s not coming from you or your dopey grifting kids. I bet there isn’t any 300%. Why stop at 300% when it’s just a stupid grifting technique? Why not 500% or a gazzilion%? Your team is slipping here. Take them to the shed and give them a good hounding for being such obvious losers. But then they take their cues from you, loser that you are, so cut them some slack. Not much, a tiny bit of slack should do it since they are used to licking your boots and telling you everything you want to hear, like not being the loser you really are.
One last note: Remember, McDonald’s is counting on your continued love of their fish sandwiches and other artery-clogging items — and I hope you enjoy them till your arteries get so packed with goo that you won’t be able to play golf with Lindsey Graham and the other countless suck-ups hoping to follow in your fascisteps.
All my worst,
John
On Aug 13, 2021, at 8:12 PM, Donald J. Trump <contact@win.donaldjtrump.com> wrote:
John,
I need your input.
We are launching our OFFICIAL TRUMP CARDS soon, and my team asked me to select the design. I’ve always said the only voice that matters is YOURS, which is why I want YOU to be the one to pick our brand new card.
The card you select will be carried by Patriots all around the Country. They will be a sign of your dedicated support to our movement to SAVE AMERICA, and I’m putting my full trust in you.
I’ll look for your response first thing tomorrow, John. Will I see it?
Please cast your vote below for our brand new Official Trump Card.
Thank you,
Donald J. Trump
45th President of the United States
